Monday, August 23, 2004
Service: * * * *
Food: * * * 1/2
Ambience: * * *
Babe Count: * *
Oh the pain, the misery, the despair. Oooooo. Aaaaaaaa. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!
And I'm NOT talking about Domination & submission here. I'm talking about what Majid is doing to me on the backgammon board. We're talking extrusion of my soul through my nether regions. We're talking comprehensive humiliation. We're talking a 21--3 defeat at his mighty hands.
Which just rubs my nose in last week's defeat to Tony L. He took me apart 21--12. Eish.
Which all means that if I want to stay in line to win the money for this cycle, I've got to beat both Alistair and Harold. Wish me luck!!!
And when it comes to D/s, my relationship has really taken off. I'm in a very happy space with Karen. (If you know her name as something else from previous Schmuck reviews, that's cos I've decided to change her name on this site in case her family stumbles upon it. I'm way too liberal with my business cards, and they know nothing of her predelictions. So please accept her new name... Karen.)
This site has generated two types of attention from my friends and colleagues with regards to the D/s stuff. The majority of my buddies, both male and female, are in the "Gimme details, Roy!!!" camp. But one or two of my friends are in the "I'm shocked and horrified, and you're a depraved mutilator of women" camp.
Well, let's debunk some myths.
o No... I haven't descended some slippery slope into madness. I'm still the same Roy I used to know, except that now I've liberated a side of myself I wasn't properly in touch with.
o Yes... Every now and again in a sexual situation, I slap Karen. Sometimes hard, sometimes very softly. Sometimes I really make her flinch with the force of it. Sometimes I really make her flinch just by raising my hand. AND IT TURNS HER ON BIIIIIIIIIIGTIME!!!! Okay? Kapisch? Understand this point? This stuff is MUTUAL! It's not ABUSE! It's something that WORKS for her. And yes, it works for me too. In this particular context. Just cos Karen likes to be slapped doesn't mean I'm going to be slapping every girl I meet!!! And if this relationship with Karen ends up NOT working out for some reason, I'm not going to be assaulting women, for fuck sakes.
o No... I'm not discussing with my friendly local butcher the best way to skewer a woman's arms on sharpened meat hooks.
o No... I haven't been looking into leatherware shops longingly, wondering if they'll be happy to make me a fierce, studded mask. I'm not interested in leather. I'm interested in being the best partner for my new lover, not in being a leather jockey.
o Yes... I'm looking at women VERY differently from the way I did before. And yes... I AM wondering which of the women I come across are into being tied up and dominated. And yes... I'm MASSIVELY surprised by HOW MANY, read it... MANY MANY MANY women ARE into this. Scratch the surface, and that demure little beauty you think you knew is actually a minx waiting to be whipped. Truly. It'll blow your mind how many women are into this. And how few men are capable of doing the domination thing without being utter pricks.
o Yes... I'm learning as much as I can about being a good dom. Knowledge is power. More to the point, knowledge means there's no danger. And more fun.
o No... vanilla sex is not pointless. Karen and I have vanilla sex quite a lot of the time, and it's wonderful. Just as good as any sex I've ever had. But when the D/s stuff is added to it, it's truly outstanding. And no... I don't think it'll be a problem for me to go back to vanilla sex, but I do think it'll have to have some spicing other than plain vanilla.
o No... I'm not some depraved animal that doesn't know right from wrong. Men who beat women are abusers. Men and women in D/s or BDSM or S&M relationships are doing this stuff CONSENSUALLY. There are safe words. To a "normal" couple in a "normal" relationship, the words "Ouch" and "Stop!" are the most important words in the world, and dishonouring those words is tantamount to abuse. In D/s, "Ouch" and "Stop!" are irrelevant, and actually add to the excitement. But the safe words ARE even MORE IMPORTANT in D/s than "Stop!" and "Ouch". They are COMPLETELY honoured at all times!!! There is NO depravity in honouring a safe word.
o Yes... I've pushed Karen to using her safe words several times. And that's an absolutely astounding honour for me, because it means she trusts me enough to let me go places she doesn't normally go. And it means I honour myself, cos I'm pushing myself to my own limits. When I slap her, we're nowhere NEAR her safe words. When I nibble her toe, which makes her claustrophobic for some reason, THAT'S a safe word. How fuckin depraved is THAT???
Here's the rub... if you're really agitated about this stuff, and it's making you sleepless, and you're feeling nauseous, and you're feeling like you're allowing me to sink into a festering pool of mind-altering viciousness, and you can hear the fiddle tuning up while Rome burns, please please please... I beg you... get some information on this stuff before condemning it. Knowledge IS power. Go to http://gloria-brame.com. She's one of the leading writers on Domination & submission. Gloria Brame is a practising Dominatrix, and a psychotherapist. And she's damn sensible.
And if you don't want to know me cos of this, well, hey, it's okay.
Now. If only I could speak to my friendly local butcher about skewering Alistair and Harold in backgammon. My submissive li'l babe might just lose respect for me if I lose to them. And then I'm going to have to REALLLLLLY slap her to put her in her place. Won't THAT be fun?