Just had a long chat to 'S' on the phone. She's in Cape Town. I'm in Joburg. When she left to drive down, we parted under a cloud, and we're not really sure whether or not we're still a couple.
It's kinda on the table that our parting was actually a breakup, and that we were maybe a bit too sore to admit it.
At the same time, we're not sure what it is. Could be a breakup. Could be a break. Could just be us dealing with some of the stuff that we didn't deal with before.
When our relationship started, it was amazing. We were the ideal couple. Partners. Making love all the time. Having fun. Teaching each other things. Learning from each other. Giving each other space.
Then she moved into my place, and suddenly the co-dependent hooks kicked in. And we were enmeshed in something that was work, not fun. And hard work at that. With tears and arguments.
We're both going through a period of self-growth. I'm dealing with issues of child abuse when I was growing up. I've also just gone onto Zoloft, a Prosac-like drug, to deal with my anxiety and depression.
So who the hell knows?
'S' asks, 'Are we MEANT to be together?'
And my answer is, 'It's a Hollywood notion, the idea that two people can be 'meant' for each other. Relationships are invented things. Co-created. They have problems as well as joys. They're 'meant' only if the two parties decide to partner.'
So I may be flying down to Cape Town on the 1st of September. Or I might just waste the ticket, and not do it. We'll know through time.
This drawing was made in ArtRage 2.11 using my Toshiba Tecra M4 tablet pc.
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