Al Malnik

Al Malnik, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Bizarre. Al Malnik, at one time, buddy to Michael Jackson, godfather of Blanket, Jackson's youngest child, and one-time executor of his will is now calling for cartoonists and caricaturists to make a flattering portrait of him.

At least, I THINK that's what he's doing.

I got an email from the folk at Toonpool asking for a pic of Malnik.

This is the request:

"We urgently are looking for very positive (!!!) portraits of Al Malnik (Alvin Ira Malnik), a very rich man."

Malnik is a controversial figure. Sounds kinda loser-ish to me.

Let's hope he likes my pic. I really tried to keep it flattering. Okay. Let's be honest... I didn't REALLLLLLLY try too hard to flatter. Okay... I'll admit it. I didn't try at all.

Mister Malnik... please don't ask your underworld associates to pay me a visit. Thanks.

This painting was made in ArtRage on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc in the small hours of the night. No Michael Jackson was played (nor played with) in the making of this picture.

Eugene Terre'Blanche, Backstage With The Village People

Eugene Terre'Blanche, Backstage With The Village People, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

I was going to illustrate this. But when I looked for my reference pictures online, I simply HAD to do a montage.

King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010

King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

So there I was, watching BATTLE ROYALE this afternoon in my home theatre, when a client called confirming a meeting. I wrote all the details down. And as the conversation continued, I drew this blobby little royal nebbish.

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist -- Colour (1 of 4), originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Thanks to @MarkStraw for recommending Jeff Eitzman to me.

Jeff's a brilliant dentist. He takes a lot of time to get to understand his patients' mouths. And then he takes the right, considered, skillfully executed action.

In November, a relatively new filling applied by 'Dentist X' in Fourways fell out. I sought opinions from friends. One bud recommended 'Dentist Y' near Cresta/Northcliff. The filling lasted exactly three days. Another bud -- the aforementioned Twitter-bud, @JackStraw -- gave me Jeff's number.

A good sign is that Jeff was booked up till February. But his mom, who runs the reception at the practice, popped me onto a cancellation list.

When I finally got a booking in mid-December, Jeff spent two hours with me, investigating WHY this problem filling kept falling out. He devised a treatment plan. Lined my cavity with a hardening substance, put a temp filling over that, and told me to come back in two months once the hardening agent had cured.

When I got back to his chair in mid-February, just before my bithday, he got to work on the real business of giving me a lasting filling. He completely reconstructed my tooth, using about four separate layers of material, including strategically-placed metal screws that he embedded in some of the substrate.

This filling is incapable of falling out. Furthermore, he constructed it in such a way that it does NOT trap food in the crevice. Previous dentists who botched this tooth also botched the crevice.

The tooth is still sensitive. But every day it's settling down more. The reason it's sensitive is cos the cavity was so deep that the drilling went very close to the nerve. Jeff's treatment philosophy begins with 'First do no harm', followed by, 'If we can save the nerve, we'll do that', followed by, 'The natural tooth material is the best material for your mouth'.

The dude is a sculptor. I recommend him fiercely.

These four pics started out as black and white drawings in my PaperBlanks Moleskine-substitute notebook. I drew them while Jeff was working in my mouth. The colour-work came later, in PhotoShop CS3.

Graeme Sacks snaps Roy in Killarney -- after Roy appeared on eNEWS CHANNEL live

Graeme Sacks (@AfricanABC) popped into Mugg & Bean in Killarney. He took this pic of me demonstrating ArtRage to an interested-party.

I've been uploading pics I made live on-air this morning at eNEWS CHANNEL. They had a special to celebrate 100 Days To The World Cup, and I was invited to do on-the-spot visual facilitation of the event.

These are the pics I made:

Pagan Pentagram Perimeter Protection

Pagan Pentagram Perimeter Protection, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Mounted this to our wall on the morning of 31 December 2009. It's a handmade pentagram using branches from several different plants.

It's designed as part of our set of tools to keep us safe in this new year.

It's filled with white light stretching out to wherever our loved ones are.

Here's wishing you a safe and love-filled 2010.

Pate de foie Manto

Pate de foie Manto, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Liver as a main course. With a whole bunch of stuff to make a collapsed liver even worse. And some stuff to kill a nation.

A fifth of all South Africans have HIV or AIDS right now. And that's just the cases that are known about.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang and her AIDS denialism are responsible for South Africa having such a big problem.

Now she's dead. Can our country recover?

Made in ArtRage 3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

If you'd like to use this pic for any reason whatsoever, go for it. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Attribution, Share-Alike' license.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Dead Dead Dead

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Dead Dead Dead, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

She's dead and gone now.

Maybe it means South Africa has a chance to recover from the mistakes she made botching our ability to solve the AIDS crisis this country is sinking under.

Verbose? Hey. Not as verbose as Manto. The alcoholic, thieving, incompetent buffoon.

One liver transplant wasn't good enough for her. She had to continue drinking. Just had to do it.

And the first liver transplant was a stolen liver. She jumped the queue.

And the second liver that was scheduled to be given to her? Stolen too. Another jumped queue.

Am I sad that she's gone? Nah.

Am I worried that people will think ill of me for saying bad things about the dead? Nah.

Am I happy that the country might be able to get back on track? I truly don't know. I think there's a lot of evil going on in this place. Our politicians are as corrupt as it's possible to be. I think we're screwed, actually. But hey.

This pic was made in ArtRage 3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

If you want to use this pic for any reason whatsoever, please go ahead. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Share-Alike, Attribution' license.

South African Santa

South African Santa, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

A while back I had a speaking engagement for a bunch of MENSA types.

One of them... John Hofmeyr... called me a week or so after, and asked me if I'd illustrate a poem of his for a charity publication.

I agreed to do that. And this is the resulting image.

If you have a need for a unique Santa pic, please feel free to use it. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Attribution, Share-Alike' license.

I made this pic in ArtRage 2.5 and PhotoShop CS3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

How to Get a Tattoo

There are three keys to getting a tattoo:

1. Being certain you want one.

2. Choosing the right image.

3. Choosing the right tattoo artist.

Let's start at the beginning.

1. Being certain you want a tattoo

When I was eleven, I got a tattoo. It was appalling. It was a stylised
drawing of a Chinese Fu Manchu sort of dude wearing a hat. Terrible
artwork. And the 16-year-old dude who did the needlework was really
just incompetent.

When I was in Grade 9, I used a scalpel to try and cut the tattoo out.
I hated it so much. When I was in first year varsity, I tried again to
remove it. What was left was an inky stain with scarring that looked
like a mutant birthmark.

So why did I choose to get a PROPER tattoo late in my thirties?

Well... I'm older. More mature. Have a much better artistic sense. And
an appreciation of individuality.

I've yearned over the years to get something to cover up the mutant
both-job. But I've always had the fear that I'd want to scalpel the
thing out again. I wanted to be certain that if I DID cover the old
tatt, it would HAVE TO be something I could live with and be proud of.

I came up with a deeply ironic and hilarious design. It took the form
of a clothes-label badge that said: 'LEFT ARM: Property of Roy
Blumenthal'. (I'm Roy Blumenthal, just so you're clear.)

A company I do freelance work for is filled with dudes who have
tattoos. They're called MISSING LINK. And they make presentations that
aren't boring.

I showed them my design, and they went crazy. One of them said, 'If
you get that tatt, we'll hire you more often!'

I was going to get the tatt anyway. But that pushed me over the edge.

I scouted a few tatt artists. But all of them looked at the scarring
of the old one from my youth and said, 'Nope. The ink won't hold in
that.'

So I redesigned the tatt for my right arm. And went to one of the most
reputable tatt parlours in Joburg: KEVIN'S KUSTOM TATTOOS, and had the
three artists laughing their heads off.

A few years later, the MISSING LINK dudes brought a tatt artist to
Joburg from Cape Town. And I got my second tattoo. It totally covers
my old mutilated scar, and is in the form of a phoenix rising from the
flames. (The image is a double-image: in the negative space you can
see a bold question mark.)

Do you really want a tattoo? Really realllllly? Sure it's not just
about some perceived 'cool'? Are you willing to live with a permanent
addition to your body? Are you willing to accept that your body image
WILL change one way or another?

2. Choosing the right image.

Once you KNOW a tattoo is right for you, you need to find the right
image. Something you won't get tired of. Something that is you now,
and years and years and years from now.

Dig deep into your essence to find out what your anchor is in the world.

Be sure that you're looking INTERNALLY, not externally. You might
THINK that Jesus or Black Sabbath or The Jonas Brothers DEFINE you
now. But that's deeeeeeply unlikely to pervade after three decades.
Simply put... Our beliefs change. No matter how we cling to them NOW.

In my case, my two tatts represent aspects of my true self. I'm
someone who delights in the ambiguity that irony creates. So my 'Right
Arm' tatt will always be funny. Even if one day it has to be
amputated. Cos the doctors will get a laugh.

The phoenix/question mark tatt represents two major aspects of my
being. I question everything. I'm a life-long learner. The fact that
the question mark is hidden at first in the image shows the value of
probing. I am also a perpetual reinventor of myself. The phoenix is a
bird that transforms when needed. It overcomes hardship. It revels in
the flames.

What defines you? Internally? What are your most solid values? These
are the things I suggest you look to when choosing an image.

Where to find a pic? Well... The internet is the best starting point.
Start collecting pics that resonate with you in a folder somewhere. A
great starting point is Flickr. Or Google Images. Also, go to tattoo
shops. Look at the flash on their walls. But remember that flash is
NOT unique to you.

Print all of your reference pics to take with you in your search.
Something will emerge.

3. Choosing the right tattoo artist.

In my case, I've had three tattoo artists working on my skin.

The first was not an artist. He was a juvenile delinquent. And I
almost became a juvenile delinquent cos of his work on my arm. I was
deeply ashamed of the mark, and never wore short sleeves until I'd
hacked the ink out with a knife.

The second was a competent inker. But she wasn't an artist. My 'Right
Arm' tatt is okay. But nothing glorious.

The third artist is the one I'll go back to for my next tatt. He's an
actual artist. And he helped interpret my finished artwork into a
mighty tatt.

His name is Marcus van der Tuin from Metal Machine in Cape Town.

My advice to you? Find a tatt artist who is passionate about tattoos
and art. Ask to see tatts he or she has done. Ask to see the original
artworks they used as reference. All of the good tatt artists are
proud of what they do. They take photos. They care. And they're not
offended by people asking questions.

This ink will be on and in your body for the rest of your life. EVEN
OF YOU LASER IT OUT. Choose wisely.

I hope this helps you.

Enjoy your journey. Don't rush. And be certain.