King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010

King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

So there I was, watching BATTLE ROYALE this afternoon in my home theatre, when a client called confirming a meeting. I wrote all the details down. And as the conversation continued, I drew this blobby little royal nebbish.

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist -- Colour (1 of 4), originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Thanks to @MarkStraw for recommending Jeff Eitzman to me.

Jeff's a brilliant dentist. He takes a lot of time to get to understand his patients' mouths. And then he takes the right, considered, skillfully executed action.

In November, a relatively new filling applied by 'Dentist X' in Fourways fell out. I sought opinions from friends. One bud recommended 'Dentist Y' near Cresta/Northcliff. The filling lasted exactly three days. Another bud -- the aforementioned Twitter-bud, @JackStraw -- gave me Jeff's number.

A good sign is that Jeff was booked up till February. But his mom, who runs the reception at the practice, popped me onto a cancellation list.

When I finally got a booking in mid-December, Jeff spent two hours with me, investigating WHY this problem filling kept falling out. He devised a treatment plan. Lined my cavity with a hardening substance, put a temp filling over that, and told me to come back in two months once the hardening agent had cured.

When I got back to his chair in mid-February, just before my bithday, he got to work on the real business of giving me a lasting filling. He completely reconstructed my tooth, using about four separate layers of material, including strategically-placed metal screws that he embedded in some of the substrate.

This filling is incapable of falling out. Furthermore, he constructed it in such a way that it does NOT trap food in the crevice. Previous dentists who botched this tooth also botched the crevice.

The tooth is still sensitive. But every day it's settling down more. The reason it's sensitive is cos the cavity was so deep that the drilling went very close to the nerve. Jeff's treatment philosophy begins with 'First do no harm', followed by, 'If we can save the nerve, we'll do that', followed by, 'The natural tooth material is the best material for your mouth'.

The dude is a sculptor. I recommend him fiercely.

These four pics started out as black and white drawings in my PaperBlanks Moleskine-substitute notebook. I drew them while Jeff was working in my mouth. The colour-work came later, in PhotoShop CS3.

Graeme Sacks snaps Roy in Killarney -- after Roy appeared on eNEWS CHANNEL live

Graeme Sacks (@AfricanABC) popped into Mugg & Bean in Killarney. He took this pic of me demonstrating ArtRage to an interested-party.

I've been uploading pics I made live on-air this morning at eNEWS CHANNEL. They had a special to celebrate 100 Days To The World Cup, and I was invited to do on-the-spot visual facilitation of the event.

These are the pics I made:

Pagan Pentagram Perimeter Protection

Pagan Pentagram Perimeter Protection, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Mounted this to our wall on the morning of 31 December 2009. It's a handmade pentagram using branches from several different plants.

It's designed as part of our set of tools to keep us safe in this new year.

It's filled with white light stretching out to wherever our loved ones are.

Here's wishing you a safe and love-filled 2010.

Pate de foie Manto

Pate de foie Manto, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Liver as a main course. With a whole bunch of stuff to make a collapsed liver even worse. And some stuff to kill a nation.

A fifth of all South Africans have HIV or AIDS right now. And that's just the cases that are known about.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang and her AIDS denialism are responsible for South Africa having such a big problem.

Now she's dead. Can our country recover?

Made in ArtRage 3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

If you'd like to use this pic for any reason whatsoever, go for it. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Attribution, Share-Alike' license.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Dead Dead Dead

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Dead Dead Dead, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

She's dead and gone now.

Maybe it means South Africa has a chance to recover from the mistakes she made botching our ability to solve the AIDS crisis this country is sinking under.

Verbose? Hey. Not as verbose as Manto. The alcoholic, thieving, incompetent buffoon.

One liver transplant wasn't good enough for her. She had to continue drinking. Just had to do it.

And the first liver transplant was a stolen liver. She jumped the queue.

And the second liver that was scheduled to be given to her? Stolen too. Another jumped queue.

Am I sad that she's gone? Nah.

Am I worried that people will think ill of me for saying bad things about the dead? Nah.

Am I happy that the country might be able to get back on track? I truly don't know. I think there's a lot of evil going on in this place. Our politicians are as corrupt as it's possible to be. I think we're screwed, actually. But hey.

This pic was made in ArtRage 3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

If you want to use this pic for any reason whatsoever, please go ahead. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Share-Alike, Attribution' license.

South African Santa

South African Santa, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

A while back I had a speaking engagement for a bunch of MENSA types.

One of them... John Hofmeyr... called me a week or so after, and asked me if I'd illustrate a poem of his for a charity publication.

I agreed to do that. And this is the resulting image.

If you have a need for a unique Santa pic, please feel free to use it. It's released under a Creative Commons 'Attribution, Share-Alike' license.

I made this pic in ArtRage 2.5 and PhotoShop CS3 on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc.

How to Get a Tattoo

There are three keys to getting a tattoo:

1. Being certain you want one.

2. Choosing the right image.

3. Choosing the right tattoo artist.

Let's start at the beginning.

1. Being certain you want a tattoo

When I was eleven, I got a tattoo. It was appalling. It was a stylised
drawing of a Chinese Fu Manchu sort of dude wearing a hat. Terrible
artwork. And the 16-year-old dude who did the needlework was really
just incompetent.

When I was in Grade 9, I used a scalpel to try and cut the tattoo out.
I hated it so much. When I was in first year varsity, I tried again to
remove it. What was left was an inky stain with scarring that looked
like a mutant birthmark.

So why did I choose to get a PROPER tattoo late in my thirties?

Well... I'm older. More mature. Have a much better artistic sense. And
an appreciation of individuality.

I've yearned over the years to get something to cover up the mutant
both-job. But I've always had the fear that I'd want to scalpel the
thing out again. I wanted to be certain that if I DID cover the old
tatt, it would HAVE TO be something I could live with and be proud of.

I came up with a deeply ironic and hilarious design. It took the form
of a clothes-label badge that said: 'LEFT ARM: Property of Roy
Blumenthal'. (I'm Roy Blumenthal, just so you're clear.)

A company I do freelance work for is filled with dudes who have
tattoos. They're called MISSING LINK. And they make presentations that
aren't boring.

I showed them my design, and they went crazy. One of them said, 'If
you get that tatt, we'll hire you more often!'

I was going to get the tatt anyway. But that pushed me over the edge.

I scouted a few tatt artists. But all of them looked at the scarring
of the old one from my youth and said, 'Nope. The ink won't hold in
that.'

So I redesigned the tatt for my right arm. And went to one of the most
reputable tatt parlours in Joburg: KEVIN'S KUSTOM TATTOOS, and had the
three artists laughing their heads off.

A few years later, the MISSING LINK dudes brought a tatt artist to
Joburg from Cape Town. And I got my second tattoo. It totally covers
my old mutilated scar, and is in the form of a phoenix rising from the
flames. (The image is a double-image: in the negative space you can
see a bold question mark.)

Do you really want a tattoo? Really realllllly? Sure it's not just
about some perceived 'cool'? Are you willing to live with a permanent
addition to your body? Are you willing to accept that your body image
WILL change one way or another?

2. Choosing the right image.

Once you KNOW a tattoo is right for you, you need to find the right
image. Something you won't get tired of. Something that is you now,
and years and years and years from now.

Dig deep into your essence to find out what your anchor is in the world.

Be sure that you're looking INTERNALLY, not externally. You might
THINK that Jesus or Black Sabbath or The Jonas Brothers DEFINE you
now. But that's deeeeeeply unlikely to pervade after three decades.
Simply put... Our beliefs change. No matter how we cling to them NOW.

In my case, my two tatts represent aspects of my true self. I'm
someone who delights in the ambiguity that irony creates. So my 'Right
Arm' tatt will always be funny. Even if one day it has to be
amputated. Cos the doctors will get a laugh.

The phoenix/question mark tatt represents two major aspects of my
being. I question everything. I'm a life-long learner. The fact that
the question mark is hidden at first in the image shows the value of
probing. I am also a perpetual reinventor of myself. The phoenix is a
bird that transforms when needed. It overcomes hardship. It revels in
the flames.

What defines you? Internally? What are your most solid values? These
are the things I suggest you look to when choosing an image.

Where to find a pic? Well... The internet is the best starting point.
Start collecting pics that resonate with you in a folder somewhere. A
great starting point is Flickr. Or Google Images. Also, go to tattoo
shops. Look at the flash on their walls. But remember that flash is
NOT unique to you.

Print all of your reference pics to take with you in your search.
Something will emerge.

3. Choosing the right tattoo artist.

In my case, I've had three tattoo artists working on my skin.

The first was not an artist. He was a juvenile delinquent. And I
almost became a juvenile delinquent cos of his work on my arm. I was
deeply ashamed of the mark, and never wore short sleeves until I'd
hacked the ink out with a knife.

The second was a competent inker. But she wasn't an artist. My 'Right
Arm' tatt is okay. But nothing glorious.

The third artist is the one I'll go back to for my next tatt. He's an
actual artist. And he helped interpret my finished artwork into a
mighty tatt.

His name is Marcus van der Tuin from Metal Machine in Cape Town.

My advice to you? Find a tatt artist who is passionate about tattoos
and art. Ask to see tatts he or she has done. Ask to see the original
artworks they used as reference. All of the good tatt artists are
proud of what they do. They take photos. They care. And they're not
offended by people asking questions.

This ink will be on and in your body for the rest of your life. EVEN
OF YOU LASER IT OUT. Choose wisely.

I hope this helps you.

Enjoy your journey. Don't rush. And be certain.

Re: Twitter to Pieter Uys about 3G problem

Hi Louisa...

Thanks very much for your call yesterday. I'm pleased that someone in Pieter's office took this matter seriously enough to put a human face on it.

I'm afraid your call came too late for me. This issue should have been dealt with on the day it happened, or the next day. Instead, it took from Friday to Tuesday for me to get absolutely no joy, and no resolution. Your call was the ONLY communication I've had where resolution was possible.

There's something drastically wrong with your problem-escalation systems and procedures if your company will allow a client to get this heated about something so simple to fix.

The matter is simple:

1. I put a limit in place to protect myself from nasty surprises like a R4k bill out of nowhere.

2. I also trusted your systems to deliver the promised SMSses telling me when my bundle was depleted. You are in the business of delivering information. You've been doing it for more than a decade. GET IT RIGHT.

3. I trusted your people to have the common decency of communicating with me when something went wrong. They did not. They simply froze my account, OVER THE WEEKEND, with absolutely NO WAY for me to get my account unfrozen. Shocking. Disgusting. Pathetic. How would YOU like to have YOUR internet arbitrarily cut off, with a R4k bill thrown in for good measure, and a labyrinthine call centre system that refuses to escalate issues?

4. I made more than 14 telephone calls to get this issue sorted. I spent more than R200 waiting on hold and being told by idiot-like people that they would NOT escalate my call. I wasted more than five hours of MY time trying to sort out YOUR problem. All the while being blamed for it, and being told that I had to pay for your mistake. Yuk. Shame on your guys.

---

I've now gotten my MTN connection sorted out. And I'm back in the land of the connected.

Please cancel any and all remaining Vodacom accounts forthwith. As we discussed on the phone last night, I will not be giving you a month's notice. I want it cancelled right now. This month-end bill must be the last debit order from you guys, please.

---

I apologise for the strident tone and manner of this email. I recognise that you've been thrust into the tail-end of a nasty situation, and that you're really doing your best to help me. But I've really had enough. And I simply want to be clear that I will have nothing further to do with Vodacom.

ACTION REQUEST:

1. Please let me know that my account is being deactivated with immediate effect, and that I won't be paying any more bills other than this final one.

2. Please let me know what you intend to do with the disputed amount.

3. Please let me know what's going to be done to prevent this from happening with other clients in the future.

Thanks, Louisa.

Roy

On Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 2:56 PM, Louisa Van Beek <Louisa.VanBeek@vodacom.co.za> wrote:

Roy,   You have send Pieter a twitter about your 3G problem.  Can you please give me more info i.e. what the problem is, where do you experience this problem, contact detail that I can give the technicians to make an appointment to come and see you.   I have also left you a voice message, you are welcome to call me at your convenience.   Regards   Louisa van Beek CEO's Office Vodacom Group Limited 082 Vodacom Bouldevard, Vodavalley, Midrand, 1685 Private Bag x9904, Sandton, 2146   "This e-mail is sent on the Terms and Conditions that can be accessed by Clicking on this link http://www.vodacom.co.za/legal/email.jsp "

--
------------------------------------------------
ROY BLUMENTHAL
Visual Facilitator, Illustrator, Writer, Director

Mobile: +27 74 104 6386
Fax: 086 512 2580 (South African calls only)

Email: royblumenthal@gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/royblumenthal
Site: http://royblumenthal.com
Illustrations: http://flickr.com/royblumenthal

Professional member of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa: http://snipurl.com/psasa-profile
------------------------------------------------
I use an Asus R1E tablet pc, sponsored by Rectron South Africa

Vodacom 3G Losing Another Customer: Complaint Currently Being Dealt With on GetClosure!

This is the text of my complaint currently lodged with
http://www.getclosure.co.za:

<em>My Extremely Truncated Complaint Against Vodacom</em>

1. My 3G card was locked on Friday 20 Nov without my being informed.

2. When I spoke to a consultant on Friday evening, he told me that my
bill had spiked to just under R4k, and that accounts had frozen it.

3. Approx two years ago, I had Vodacom put a voluntary limit on my
acc, so that it could not spike by more than R500.

4. Consultant informed me that no such limit was in place. He
speculated that an error may have occurred when I upgraded from the
1gig bundle to the 2gig bundle.

5. I've since spoken to, and screamed and shouted at, approx 14
staffers, who refuse to escalate this to decision-making level.

6. My 3G remains blocked. And I refuse to pay for Vodacom's error.

<em>My Proposed Solution</em>

1. I want my 3G card immediately unlocked and operational.

2. I will happily pay my bill up to my R500 limit.

3. I will happily purchase a top-up bundle to see me through this month.

4. Vodacom must absorb the balance of the cost of the spike, and fix
their internal systems to prevent this from happening.

5. I want an apology from the person who cut my account off without
notifying me.

6. I want a written apology from Pieter Uys, Vodacom CEO, explaining
why his staff refuse to escalate issues, and what he will be
instituting to make complaints easier to escalate.

7. I will most likely terminate all dealings with Vodacom as a result
of this debacle.