Zuma's Pear (not to be confused with #ZumaSpear) #NakedButTasteful

Zuma's Pear (not to be confused with #ZumaSpear) #NakedButTasteful, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Making Caricatures of Schoolkids at a Primary School Fun Day

Thanks very much to Gus Silber for taking the time and effort to make an animated gif of me making a caricature.That's me on the left, wielding my stylus. With my subject having a great time looking back and seeing what the rest of the class is laughing about.

Gus's son Max organised for me to be there. Kids paid a token fee to have their caricatures done. Luckily, the school has a smart board installed in this particular classroom, so we were able to project my stuff as it was happening.

Women's Leadership Journal -- Roy's "Shower Creativity-Capture" Featured

Women's Leadership Journal -- Roy's "Shower Creativity-Capture" Featured, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

A while back, I tweeted about one of the ways I make sure my creative ideas don't end up bubbling down the drain.

The technique involves sticking white, self-adhesive, shelf-wrap onto the shower wall, and suction-cupping a pencil to the apparatus.

When inspiration strikes under the water stream, I simply pop the pencil into action, and write the idea on the wall.

Pencil works brilliantly on plastic, and it's excellent in both wet and dry conditions. What's more, shelf-wrap allows you to erase old stuff easily using a normal rubber eraser.

The tweet tickled the imagination of Debby Edelstein (@DebbyEdelstein), editor of THE WOMEN'S LEADERSHIP JOURNAL.

She asked me to take a photo of my shower setup, and asked if she could feature my idea in her journal.

I couldn't resist the idea of my shower appearing naked in a women's journal. So of course, I said yes.

Find the July 2011 edition online at http://www.qualitylife.co.za/newsletters/newsletter_july.html.

A much appreciated apology received from Ryan Barwell, BMW Sandton Auto. Process back on track.

It's 2.44pm. I just got off the phone. Ryan Barwell phoned me to apologise for his behaviour at BMW Sandton Auto this morning. He sounded a LOT friendlier. Matched my first impression of him when I saw him in his office.

Basically, it's as simple as his having had a sleepless weekend due to a newborn baby. And to his being genuinely curious as to why Jennifer would bring the car back time and again if it wasn't getting fixed.

I took his question as a disingenuous attempt to evade responsibility, and it escalated.

I understand these things.

It was really big of Ryan to call and apologise. And he also asked me to tell him why I wanted to see him this morning in the first place. So he's looking into the history of the vehicle. He's checking into why his service rep didn't call Jennifer when he promised he would. He's looking into why and how the water problem which has recurred over and over again hasn't yet been solved. And he's offered us parts at cost and some goodwill discount on the job.

Thanks very much to Johan Conradie and Guy Kilfoil at BMW Head Office for dealing with this matter. And thanks to Ryan Barwell for his apology, and for making it right. Thanks also to everyone on Twitter and Google+ and Facebook for your support and astonishment at how this situation came about.

We're all human. And sometimes we have shit days.

Best thing about my phone conversation with Ryan is that he called me 'sir' a few times, and I called him 'bru' a few times, and we both laughed a bit. It feels WAY better being friendly.

Does Ryan Barwell, Dealer Principal, BMW Sandton Auto, ride a bike with the number plate THUG GP?

Thanks to a commenter on my previous post about the terrible 'service' I received from Ryan Barwell, the Dealer Principal at BMW Sandton Auto.

The comment referred to a picture on Ryan Barwell's Facebook profile.

The profile picture is of a motorcycle with the vanity plate, 'THUG GP'.

Unfortunately, there are no other details visible on the profile, so I have no idea if this belongs to the same person. Anyone know?

Johan Conradie, Manager of Customer Care, BMW South Africa, gets hold of me

This morning, after the rude, unprofessional, and unacceptable encounter with Ryan Barwell, Dealer Principal of BMW Sandton Auto, I called their Customer Care line twice.

The first time was from Ryan's office. But Johan wasn't in the office at that point.

The second call was just after 8am while I was sitting in my car in the parking lot at the dealership. I spoke to someone at Johan's office -- Princess -- who told me that Johan was on a conference call, and that she would pass the message on.

In the interim, I blogged about Ryan's awful 'service', and tweeted about it.

There seems to be a serious amount of buzz around this particular topic, with loads of retweets, and vigorous response from people.

One of the people who responded included @GuyKilfoil in the tweet. He's the Director of Communications for BMW South Africa. And he got back to me super-fast. He'd already followed my Twitter account (@RoyBlumenthal) before I was even aware that he was in the loop.

He tweeted me from a conference, saying that someone would get back to me pronto. That was at about 11:10am. Sure enough, Johan Conradie phoned at around 11:25am.

What's curious about the call is that I assumed he was responding to the message I'd left with Princess. And I asked him if that was the case. He said, 'No, I didn't get the message. Guy Kilfoil asked me to call you.'

Which means that my message didn't rise above the surface. It took social media to get a response. The good old fashioned 'leave a message' didn't crack it.

Is Ryan Barwell, Dealer Principal at BMW Sandton Auto, the WORST people-person EVER? Or is this just a REALLY bad Monday?

[UPDATE3: Ryan Barwell calls to apologise. Apology accepted. Process back on track.]

[UPDATE2: Does Ryan Barwell ride 'THUG GP'?]

[UPDATE1: Got a response from Johan Conradie, Manager of Customer Care, BMW South Africa. Here's my post on what transpired: http://schmucknews.blogspot.com/2011/08/johan-conradie-manager-of-customer-care.html. Short answer, no resolution yet.]

[EDIT: This conversation happened just before 8am this morning: 2011/08/01.] I arrive at BMW Sandton Auto to speak to the Dealer Principal about Jennifer's car. It's in for a re-repair of a re-repair. They've 'fixed' her water leak twice already. And still it leaks. Only, this time, they've given her a quote for R22 000. And they're arguing that what's wrong with it now WASN'T part of the original problem.

I'm here to discuss the problem with the person in charge. My intention is to find out what portion of the repair quote is legitimately attributable to Jennifer, and what portion is a result of their actions.

So I go to the reception desk, and they direct me to Ryan Barwell's office. Good looking youngish guy in a suit. Pleasant smile. Short hair. Very well built.

'Hi Ryan,' I say, and we shake hands. 'I'm Roy Blumenthal. I need to have a conversation with you about my girlfriend's car.'

'How can I help you, Sir?' he asks. He's standing behind his desk.

'Ryan... We're both very unhappy with the situation right now. She's more unhappy than me, which is why I'm here to chat to you.' He nods for me to go on. I say, 'We've brought the car in several times now for the same problem--'

Ryan folds his arms, cuts me off. Says, 'Can I just interrupt you? I just want to know, if you're so unhappy with the service, why are you here?'

I say, 'You're BMW. And her car's a Beemer.'

'Ya,' he says, 'But why are you HERE, Sir? Why did you bring it back here, Sir, if you're so unhappy?'

I'm flummoxed. And I see where this is going. I say, 'Ryan, I think we need to back up a bit. I'm not liking how this conversation's going.'

He says, 'Well, I'm just wondering, if you're so concerned, why did you keep bringing it back to us?'

I say, 'I can see what you're doing, Ryan. You're making out that we're idiots for bringing the car to you. So we're somehow to blame. Dude... We aren't kippies. Do you see the word "Kippie" written here on my head, bru?'

He says, 'I'm not your "bru", Sir.' He's savouring the word "sir", using it as a swearword.

'What, you don't like the word "bru"?'

'I'm not your "bru",' he says. 'We don't have that kind of relationship, SIR.'

'My name's Roy. Don't call me "sir".'

'I'll call you whatever I like, SIR.'

'Bru... This is going nowhere. Please tell me who I need to speak to at BMW South Africa to resolve this.'

'Your girlfriend can speak to the call centre. SHE's the "customer",' he says, turning away from me, as if the conversation's over.

'Write down the person's name, please,' I say.

'What must I write it on, SIR?'

'Maybe a piece of paper, bru. How about your business card?'

He picks up his card, throws it on the table in front of me. 'Write it yourself,' he says, and starts rattling off a number.

'You can write it, please,' I say.

He picks up a pen. Considers what to write. Then writes down Johan Conradie's name, and a Pretoria phone number.

I say, 'Please phone Johan Conradie.'

He says, 'You're welcome to phone him yourself.' No "sir".

'You can use your phone,' I say.

He says, 'You're welcome to use your own cellphone.'

I pull it out and dial.

Get through to a switchboard.

I ask the lady on the phone what position Johan Conradie holds. She says, 'He's the Manager of Customer Care.'
He's not in the office yet, so I'll speak to him later.

I walk out of Ryan Barwell's office.

--------
Sent from my iPad.

Tutorial: Importing an ePub ebook into your iPhone or iPad using an Online Link

Boxing Clever -- a WinWin Group conference for Unilever

Boxing Clever -- a WinWin Group conference for Unilever, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Thanks to the genius of David and Steve at the WinWin Group, Unilever had what must rank as one of the most exciting and DIFFERENT conferences ever!

My role on the production was to provide visual facilitation for Gary McGaghey.

This pic was taken by one of the crew members. He was stationed up near the ceiling to capture video and stills of the event.

What you're seeing is roughly half of the room. The entire space is a massive square, just on 22 x 22 x 22 x 22 metres. It's about 2.5 to 3 stories tall. The screens are all joined, with uninterrupted pictures on all four surfaces. It's built from scratch in one of the Durban International Conference Centre spaces.

Dean Foure of Integrity, the company that provides the projection system, tells me that it took the rigging crew almost four full days AND nights to get the structure set up. And it's HUNDREDS of tons of wood and scaffolding.

Dean says it takes almost twelve hours to get all eight projectors EXACTLY balanced, colour-matched, aligned. And those eight projectors cost R10 million. (Each one is about the size of half a Fiat Uno.)

I've worked on big screens before. But never anything on this scale. And, as it happens, this is the first time anything this big has ever been seen in South Africa.

Gary's talk had a boxing theme. So that's me in the foreground in boxing garb. And all of my pictures were boxing-related.

I pre-drew almost everything, with two layers... a before layer, and a final-state layer. I then used my eraser tool to 'live-erase' the before layer stuff out of the way to reveal what lies beneath.

At the same time, I was moving the canvas into a new position every few seconds to stay in sync with Gary's talk.

Audience loved it. Client loved it. WinWin loved it. I loved it. That's a lot of love.

Mapping a Network Drive Attached to Your Belkin N+ Wireless Router's USB Slot

1. Plug the external harddrive into your computer first.

2. Give the drive a SIMPLE name... no special characters, no spaces, and 10 characters or less.

3. Click on properties and SHARE the drive.

4. Make sure you have installed the cursed and mysterious BELKIN STORAGE MANAGER. (I found it at http://belkin-storage-manager.software.informer.com/. If that link doesn't work, Google it.

5. I'm a little hazy about this damned BELKIN STORAGE MANAGER. All I know is that somehow I got it working. But there's almost no evidence of it being alive, except for an icon in the toolbar. If you don't see the icon, then it's not working, and you will NOT be able to connect your drive. So... uh... get it working. And make sure it's set to run when Windows starts. (Sorry if you're not running Windows. I know nothing about sorting this out for Mac or Linux. And I really wish I knew how to get my Android phone to see it too. Oh well.)

6. With BELKIN STORAGE MANAGER running on your computer, plug the external harddrive into your router's USB port.

7. NOTE: It WILL NOT WORK if you plug it into a USB extender. In other words, if you plug one of those USB hubs into your router's USB port, and then try and plug the drive into that hub, it won't work. No matter WHAT you try. (And if you DO somehow get that working, PLEASE let me know how.)

8. Now go to MY COMPUTER, and click on MAP NETWORK DRIVE. 

9. Assign it a letter. I used one in the middle of the alphabet, and I made it easy to remember.

10. Where it says 'FOLDER', type in \\192.168.2.1\diskname

11. Please note that those are backslashes (\), not forward slashes (/). The numerical part of the address is pretty much a default setting. If your setting is different to that, you'll probably know it. If you DON'T know it, then you've got problems, I think. 

12. The easiest way to see if you've got that address right is to open up a web browser and type in 192.168.2.1

13. If the address is right, your Belkin setup page will appear in your browser. That's a good sign. If it doesn't, then you've either got the wrong address, or you're not connected to the router for some reason.

14. The 'diskname' part of the address you type into the FOLDER field is the name you gave the drive when you had it plugged into your computer.

15. The default in Windows Vista is for 'Reconnect At Logon' to be ticked. I'm happy with that. Means the drive will be accessible whenever you switch your machine on.

16. Click 'Finish' (not 'Browse'), and you should see the drive listed as one of the destinations in your 'Computer' folder in file explorer.

Please let me know if I've left out any steps. I THINK I've gotten it all in. But there might be some esoteric settings I forgot regarding the firewall or other stuff.

Re: Let's choose our future

What a load of rubbish.

Do you seriously think your readers don't know what direct response
copywriting looks like?

Maybe there IS a real person called
Nthabiseng Tshabalala. And maybe she's twelve. But she sure as hell
didn't write this copy.

Get honest FAST. Or run the risk of alienating the people you're
trying to reach. You've already lost me with this example of poor,
unethical, unsound marketing.

On Wednesday, September 15, 2010, 1GOAL wrote:

Dear Roy,

Hello from South Africa! My name is Nthabiseng Tshabalala and I'm 12 years old, and go to Winnie Ngwekazi Primary School in Soweto, South Africa. It has been a huge honor to work on this issue with all of you. Education has changed my life, and I want every child around the world to have the same chance.

During the World Cup, I had the incredible chance to work with Shakira and 1GOAL. Together, we delivered Education Yellow cards from 1GOAL supporters to world leaders who were meeting here in South Africa.

I thought that meeting was big. But next week, all the leaders in the world are meeting at the United Nations to discuss how to deal with issues like education. So this week I’m travelling with the 1GOAL Campaign to New York City! At the summit, I will talk to world leaders, tell them my story, and ask them to make sure every child has a chance to get an education.

I also know they will listen much more closely if they are hearing from many people at once. So now I am asking you to join me. Imagine you could tell all the world leaders what you wanted them to do about education by 2015. What would you say? What kind of future do you want in 2015? 

www.join1goal.org/r/chooseourfuture

I know I'm very young to be speaking to Presidents and Prime Ministers but they are deciding the future. And it is children, like me, who will live in that future. So I think it is important for us to tell them what kind of future we want to live in.

New York City is farther away from home than I've ever been. I’ve always wanted to go to America, so I am very excited and but I’m also very nervous. But I know I should go. I know that these leaders are choosing which future I will grow up with.

It could be a future where every child gets to go to school. That way, if you're good at maths, you can become an engineer. Or if you are good at science, you can become a scientist. We wouldn't need to worry about going hungry, because everyone would have good jobs that they are good at doing. (I would like to be a writer. Can you tell?)

Or it could be a future where most kids still can't go to school. So even really smart people can't find a job, because they never learned anything. In many places like where I grew up, there would be no engineers to build new buildings and no scientists to help cure diseases. And people will go hungry because they cannot find work.

I am hoping that I can encourage the leaders in New York to choose the better future for me and children around the world.

And I am hoping you will write to me about the world you want in 2015. I want to add all of your voices to mine at the United Nations next week. Please write your answer to me right away: 

www.join1goal.org/r/chooseourfuture

I believe that this way, we don't have to just wait to see what the future brings. We can choose our own future.

Thank you for being part of 1GOAL. And thank you for fighting for me and all the other children and adults in the world who are denied an education.

Sincerely,
Nthabiseng Tshabalala

 

101 Uses For Your Vuvuzela -- Mel Gibson

101 Uses For Your Vuvuzela -- Mel Gibson, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

David Germond of The Win Win Group emailed me a challenge... To come up with alternative uses for your vuvuzela now that the World Cup is over.

His email was simple. It said: 'This is what Zapiro did...'

So here's my stab at it.

I took a good hour to do a Google search for a suitable Mel Gibson picture. I was hunting for one where he spews vitriol, something to match the sound of his voice on the leaked recordings of his verbal abuse of his wife.

It seems his public relations handlers are on full red alert doing urgent fire-fighting. There are only a very few unsavoury pics of the man. And those are tame.

Anyway. I found this one. It suits my purpose. It's from ContactMusic.

I originally intended making a caricature of him. But when I was dummying up the composition, I liked the juxtaposition of the photo with the drawing. So that's what I stuck with.

This picture was made entirely in ArtRage 3 (with the exception of the photo of Mel Gibson, which is used without permission). No vuvuzelas were abused in the making of this muzzle. Mind the drool.

By the way, you have 13 days left to take advantage of my half-price offer. Book and pay for my services as a visual facilitator before Friday 30 July, and you get me for a massive 50% saving. Email Jennifer for details: bookings@royblumenthal.com

Blumenthal's 'Back From Berlin Bash' -- Visual Facilitation at half-price for two weeks

Blumenthal's 'Back From Berlin Bash' -- Visual Facilitation at half-price for two weeks, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Just returned from Berlin. A top multinational pharmaceutical company made use of my services as a visual facilitator.

To give YOU the chance to experience what Europe's corporate top brass experienced, I'm BASHING my prices for just two weeks.

If you book and pay for a visual facilitation session with me in the next two weeks, you'll get me FOR HALF PRICE.

We're accepting bookings at half price until Friday 30 July. This offer is valid for events up to 31 December 2010. All you have to do is book and pay before 30 July, and you get a MASSIVE DISCOUNT. HALF OFF!

So while I'm cooling off from the 40 degree temperatures of Berlin, you can heat up your boardroom by having me make live pictures of your event.

Book me NOW by emailing Jennifer on bookings@royblumenthal.com. Act now. The half-price window closes on Friday 30 July.

This picture was created live during a 'best practice sharing' convention held in Berlin.

Soccer: 'The Beautiful Game' or 'Beautiful Maim'?

Soccer is a game of sneaky attempts to maim and wound. These attempts are hidden from view by misdirection, smarmy smiles, superlative acting. 

And the cherry on top? The victim of the abuse is complicit in covering it up.

Let's unpack this by comparing soccer to rugby.

In soccer, you're NOT ALLOWED to hurt your opponent. Point blank. And there are reams of rules governing how you can engage your opponent.

In rugby, you're REQUIRED to hurt your opponent. And the laws governing play are in place to prevent you from MAIMING your opponent.

Because soccer rules prevent physical contact with opponents, a lot of time and energy and brainpower is put into players learning how to hurt their opponents without being seen. 

In rugby, the violence is in the open. In soccer, it's hidden.

In rugby, the violence is an acknowledged part of the game. In soccer, it's a big, dirty, secret, one that every player is party to, every ref is party to, every supporter is party to, every broadcast camera is party to.

In rugby, when violence is perpetrated, our response is, 'Whoooof! That hurt!' In soccer, when we see an illegal tackle, a crushing of foot bones, a deliberate break attempt at the knee, we go, 'Hahahaha! What a sneaky tackle! Heheehe! Ref didn't see it! Good for you, mate! Clever play!'

Soccer continues to allow this kind of abuse. And we celebrate it. In my view, this creates a climate of tolerance of hidden abuse. How many men secretly think it's okay for them to punch their wives, girlfriends, children, as long as noone finds out? As long as the abuse remains hidden? As long as the marks are confined to out-of-sight places?

I add my voice to those denouncing the Malawian government for the trial and sentencing of a gay couple.

Dear Ms Agrina Mussa...

I add my voice to those protesting the human rights abuses being perpetrated by the Malawi government against the young gay couple currently sentenced to 14 years in prison for their lifestyle choices.

Here is a link to some of the material I've read about this travesty: http://bit.ly/9nMFGZ.

I appeal to you to convey to your president my extreme displeasure at the actions of his government. And I request a reversal of the court's verdict and sentence.

Let people live their lives to the fullest, according to their own convictions.

Yours sincerely
Roy Blumenthal

PS: Please understand that this letter is appearing on my Posterous blog -- http://royblumenthal.posterous.com, as well as my Blogspot blog -- http://schmucknews.blogspot.com. I encourage readers of my blogs to voice their own disgust to you and your government by emailing you at highcommalai@telkomsa.net. (Note to protestors... The email address here is correctly spelled. There is no 'w' in the 'malai' portion of the address.)

------------------------------------------------
ROY BLUMENTHAL
Visual Facilitator, Illustrator, Writer, Director
Mobile: +27 74 104 6386
Fax: 086 512 2580 (South African calls only)
Email: royblumenthal@gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/royblumenthal
Site: http://royblumenthal.com
Illustrations: http://flickr.com/royblumenthal
Professional member of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa: http://www.psasouthernafrica.co.za/members/resume.asp?ID=264
------------------------------------------------
I use an Asus R1E tablet pc, sponsored by Rectron South Africa

Al Malnik

Al Malnik, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Bizarre. Al Malnik, at one time, buddy to Michael Jackson, godfather of Blanket, Jackson's youngest child, and one-time executor of his will is now calling for cartoonists and caricaturists to make a flattering portrait of him.

At least, I THINK that's what he's doing.

I got an email from the folk at Toonpool asking for a pic of Malnik.

This is the request:

"We urgently are looking for very positive (!!!) portraits of Al Malnik (Alvin Ira Malnik), a very rich man."

Malnik is a controversial figure. Sounds kinda loser-ish to me.

Let's hope he likes my pic. I really tried to keep it flattering. Okay. Let's be honest... I didn't REALLLLLLLY try too hard to flatter. Okay... I'll admit it. I didn't try at all.

Mister Malnik... please don't ask your underworld associates to pay me a visit. Thanks.

This painting was made in ArtRage on my Rectron-sponsored Asus R1E tablet pc in the small hours of the night. No Michael Jackson was played (nor played with) in the making of this picture.

Eugene Terre'Blanche, Backstage With The Village People

Eugene Terre'Blanche, Backstage With The Village People, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

I was going to illustrate this. But when I looked for my reference pictures online, I simply HAD to do a montage.

King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010

King -- A Quick Moleskine Doodle While on the Phone 23/03/2010, originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

So there I was, watching BATTLE ROYALE this afternoon in my home theatre, when a client called confirming a meeting. I wrote all the details down. And as the conversation continued, I drew this blobby little royal nebbish.

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist

Jeff Eitzman -- Uber Dentist -- Colour (1 of 4), originally uploaded by royblumenthal.

Thanks to @MarkStraw for recommending Jeff Eitzman to me.

Jeff's a brilliant dentist. He takes a lot of time to get to understand his patients' mouths. And then he takes the right, considered, skillfully executed action.

In November, a relatively new filling applied by 'Dentist X' in Fourways fell out. I sought opinions from friends. One bud recommended 'Dentist Y' near Cresta/Northcliff. The filling lasted exactly three days. Another bud -- the aforementioned Twitter-bud, @JackStraw -- gave me Jeff's number.

A good sign is that Jeff was booked up till February. But his mom, who runs the reception at the practice, popped me onto a cancellation list.

When I finally got a booking in mid-December, Jeff spent two hours with me, investigating WHY this problem filling kept falling out. He devised a treatment plan. Lined my cavity with a hardening substance, put a temp filling over that, and told me to come back in two months once the hardening agent had cured.

When I got back to his chair in mid-February, just before my bithday, he got to work on the real business of giving me a lasting filling. He completely reconstructed my tooth, using about four separate layers of material, including strategically-placed metal screws that he embedded in some of the substrate.

This filling is incapable of falling out. Furthermore, he constructed it in such a way that it does NOT trap food in the crevice. Previous dentists who botched this tooth also botched the crevice.

The tooth is still sensitive. But every day it's settling down more. The reason it's sensitive is cos the cavity was so deep that the drilling went very close to the nerve. Jeff's treatment philosophy begins with 'First do no harm', followed by, 'If we can save the nerve, we'll do that', followed by, 'The natural tooth material is the best material for your mouth'.

The dude is a sculptor. I recommend him fiercely.

These four pics started out as black and white drawings in my PaperBlanks Moleskine-substitute notebook. I drew them while Jeff was working in my mouth. The colour-work came later, in PhotoShop CS3.

Graeme Sacks snaps Roy in Killarney -- after Roy appeared on eNEWS CHANNEL live

Graeme Sacks (@AfricanABC) popped into Mugg & Bean in Killarney. He took this pic of me demonstrating ArtRage to an interested-party.

I've been uploading pics I made live on-air this morning at eNEWS CHANNEL. They had a special to celebrate 100 Days To The World Cup, and I was invited to do on-the-spot visual facilitation of the event.

These are the pics I made: