Monate Rest Camp, Polokwane (was Pietersberg)

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Service: * *
Food: * *
Ambience: *
Babe Count: * * * * *

I'm in Limpopo province. Brand is our camera person. He's camping in the lounge, due to privacy issues. He needs his space. Rhameez is our sound dude, and second unit camera bloke when needed. He and I are sharing a room. I'm the director on this particular shoot.

This means we've got one non-practising half-Jew (me), one non-practising Muslim (Rhameez), and one non-practising Christian all under one roof. An unholy trinity, if you ask me.

Refiloe, our presenter, has her own chalet.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screams. Brand is out the door first, seeing as he's in the lounge.

"What's happening?" he asks.

"Yuck! Yuckkk! Yucckkkkkk!!!" says Refiloe. "There are creatures in my room!" Refiloe is a creature who single-handedly pushes the babe count up from zero to off the scale.

'Hey," I say, "no need to panic. It's just a picture." See, there are pictures of wildlife on the walls. And there's a mat on the floor with a leopard woven into it.

"NO!" she says, "It's a frog or something!!!!!"

Brand gingerly goes into her chalet. "Yup. One frog," he says. And he shoos it out.

"Let's pray for it," I say.

See, it's easy to pray for things here at the Monate Rest Camp. Because there's a church on the premises. Yep.

And it's not just any old church. It's a prefabricated church. Built by the owner of the rest camp. Who has also built every single one of the chalets. And they're all prefabricated too. See, the owner happens to have a company that builds and sells prefabricated dwellings.

But wait, there's more... the owner also happens to be the pastor at the church.

We sort out Refiloe's creature issues, and we get into our prefabricated dwelling. This one is the medium-sized dwelling in the catalogue. Which means that with the single bed crammed into the lounge, there's JUST enough space to charge the camera batteries there. And in the bedroom Rhameez and I are sharing, there's a quarter metre between the two single beds. And it's hot. And there is no netting over the windows. And the mosquitoes have been praying for this day. In the church. On the premises.

It's going to take me a good four hours to fall asleep here. That's because the linen is that horrendous half-nylon stuff. And my skin doesn't react well to it. Ugh. What's more, I'm thinking about supper at the Spur in town, and the excellent service given us by the lovely Rinda. And I'm thinking about Karen and me breaking up on Tuesday night. And I'm thinking about Jacqui. And I'm really just wishing I was back in my bed at home. Alone.