Do not go and see LADIES NIGHT at the Theatre on the Square in Sandton. Unless you're into leaving during the interval.

Oh my sweet god.

I didn't want to write this blog post. Cos I didn't want to come across as massively negative and scathing. And you know... the actors WERE doing their best, and some of them were very funny, and there were some laugh-out-loud moments and all that.

But really. Somebody with some objectivity needs to inform the public (you, me, us) and the director (Maralin Vanrenen) that this show -- LADIES NIGHT -- sucks. Bigtime. It's embarassing.

This show is being staged in the heart of extremely wealthy tourist-ville, Sandton. This is where massively wealthy Italians and Spaniards and Germans and Britishers congregate to pick up high-class prostitutes and take in the local culture.

And they're subjected to this!!! And the out-of-proportion sculpture of Madiba.

These people must be fleeing the country saying, 'Oh my sweet god! I saw THE WORST SHOW EVER in South Africa! And the worst thing is that the audience LOVED it!!!!'

The show has been on for a few weeks now, and nobody has told Anitra THAT HER VOICE IS TOO SOFT AND CANNOT BE HEARD FROM THE FIFTH ROW!!!! Director! Sort this out!!! Come on! If your lead actress can't be heard, you don 't have a play! And comic acting 101, Anitra -- DO NOT SPEAK WHEN THE AUDIENCE IS LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somebody needs to tell the fake New Zealander that his performance would be amazing if he just brought it down a notch. He's personable. He's interesting to look at. But it looks like he's been directed to present himself in the worst possible way.

I left during the interval. I couldn't stay a moment longer. I'm embarassed. And this show is going to run for an entire year, touring the country!!! Come on, people. Don't make amateur drama in professional venues for paying audiences. You're bringing us down.

I have a bad taste in my mouth as I type this. Lemme find some good things to say.

I loved the set design. Very lovely stuff. Professional. Evocative. Interesting. Made great use of the space.

I loved Steven van Niekerk's performance in the lead role. Very commanding. Great comic timing.

I reallly laughed when Brendan van Rhyn did his piece in the toga. VERY funny. VERY VERY funny.

And the bass guitarist dude's performance when he tried to get his shoes off was superb. Not to mention his enthusiastic demonstration of how he makes love to his wife. A good laugh.

I must add that the audience seemed to be loving this show. And the house was about three-quarters full.

So maybe I'm a cynical bastard. But I really have to say my say. Just cos everyone seemed to be loving it doesn't mean that it couldn't be better. The show IS amateurish. And it doesn't HAVE to be. These performers deserve better direction. And the audience deserves to see this show as it COULD be done.

If we continue to accept this level of production, we'll continue to get this kind of production. And in time we'll start believing that this is great stuff.

Oh. Hang on. We already love MADAM & EVE on television. And SCANDAL. And INTERROGATION ROOM.

Case closed?