E coli! The joy of swallowing other people's crap in the sea!

So Jennifer and I decided to live a little. On the wild side. To take some chances in our ever-more-padded and sanitized world.

Our method of splashing out? To head for the South Coast of Durban for a swim, instead of the more affluent North Coast.

Where before, we went to the wealthy shores of Umhlanga Rocks for our beach fun, on Friday we decided to try the less affluent Amanzimtoti Beach.

It's probably more accurate to talk of 'effluence' rather than 'affluence'.

It was only after a good two hours of swimming, once we headed off to find a shower to hose the sea water off us that we spotted the info board.

'Beach cleanliness: A+,' it said.

'E coli: HIGH,' it said.

Jennifer and I looked at each other. Decoded the legend at the bottom. I said, 'If we get it, we get it.'

Jen said, 'Let's get some food.'

That evening, I was the first to succumb. 2.30am, and my stomach was sounding like a sewerage pipe spewing tons of shredded all-bran flakes into the sea. Jennifer's tummy followed the next morning.

Saturday morning.

Saturday morning in Durban.

Taking turns contributing e coli to the sewerage system.

Each flush thrusting swarms of little e coli soldiers right back where they came from... Amanzimtoti.

Thanks very much to Dr DN Naidoo, a Durban-based GP we lucked on by walking into the first non-clinic we could find. Turns out he's not only a patient, kind, caring doctor with an excellent bedside manner... But he's ALSO a doctor to the stars. The underworld stars. The effluent of society... The dudes in prison. He mentioned Shabir Shaik. And unnamed others. And then prescribed Kantrexil.