I really thought terrible things had happened to you. I'm SO glad
you're alive and well, and ready to send me all of your money!
I'm also glad to hear that your parents are stone cold dead! The
reason I say such a thing is that I'm also an orphan, having lost
first my father, then my mother. They are both buried under a fig tree
planted by my one-armed brother in Transkei.
You and I have so much in common.
One urgent request. I need you to prove your love for me. And the best
and easiest way for you to do this will be to meet one request.
Do you want to know what my request is?
If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh?
Will you promise not to think of me as a dirty old man getting his
jollies over making requests from innocent young women?
I know that I'm not all THAT old. But you ARE 23. And I AM 39. Please
don't ask me if I'm turning 40 in February. Because I'm going to have
a surprise party, and you can be the guest of honour. I'll think of
you as my 'daughter'.
The way Woody Allen thinks of his daughter as his 'daughter'. And
when I become your 'daddy', the first thing I'll do with our money is
send you to spelling lessons. With your permission, of course. Or
should that be 'permision'?
Here's my request...
Please can you STOP USING FRICKING CAPITAL LETTERS WHEN YOU TYPE YOUR
I'm eagerly, passionately, tumescently, tremulously awaiting your
I love you too, delicate 'child'.
Yours, 'The Schmuck'
PS: Where's my money?
On 11/01/2008, chichi helen <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
> DEAREST ONE,
> THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, I AM REALLY HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AND ALSO HAPPY THAT
> YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ME. ACTUALLY I NEVER KNOW HOW YOU WILL FEEL If THIS IS
> TOO EALIER TO TELL YOU"BUT JUST BECAUSE OF THE CONDITION OF WHERE I'M IN
> DAKAR SENEGAL,AS A RESULT OF THE CIVIL WAR THAT WAS FOUGHT IN MY COUNTRY,FOR
> THAT REASON I AM FACING SO MANY DEFFICULTYS IN LIFE AS OF MY AGE,SO DEAR I
> HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW"IF YOU WILL ASSIST ME.
> HERE IS MORE ABOUT ME,I AM MISS NANCY BRENT FROM LIBERIA 23 YEARS OLD WITH
> TEARS AND SORROW I EXPLAIN MY SELF IN A HUMBLE MANNER AFTER THE DEATH OF MY
> FATHER MR PAUL BRENT WHO WAS PERSONAL ADVICER TO THE FORMAL HEAD OF STATE
> BECAUSE OF THE POLITICAL CRISIS IN MY COUNTRY WHICH TAKE A LOTS OF SOULS AND
> TENDER MANY HOME HOMELESS, WE NOW DESIDED TO RUN FROM MY COUNTRY WITH MY
> MOTHER, BROTHER ZICO, AND I, BECAUSE LIFE IS MORE PRECCIOUS THAN
> ANYTHING,AND NOTHING WE USE TO REPARE LIFE IF IS TAKING,ALL OF A SUDDEN MY
> BROTHER WHERE KIILLD BY REBELS AND MY MOTHER LATER DIED BECAUSE OF THE
> PAINS OF THE LOST ONES.
> AFTER THE DEATH OF MY MOTHER, UNCLE OPA"MY FATHERS BROTHERS STARTED TO
> PERSECUIT ME OVER MY FATHERS PROPERTIES WHICH HE LATER SNATCHED FROM ME
> UNDER TREATING,
> SO DEAR BY THE HELP OF A REVREND FATHER I CAME TO DAKAR SENEGAL UNDER
> REFUGEE,INFACT THE MORE I EXPLAIN MY SELF AND SITUATION I SHEAR TEARS WHEN I
> REMEMBER THE PAST, I AM THE ONLY ONE REMAINING IN OUR FAMILY"NOW I AM IN A
> CRITICAL SITUATION,STAYING IN THE REFUGEE'S HOSTEEL HERE, IS LIKE ONE BEEN
> IN PRESON WITH ME,BUT I CAN'T MISLIVE MY LIFE'BECAUSE OF CONDITION,OVER MY
> DIED BODY'BECAUSE THE WAY I WAS BROUGHT UP BY MY LATE PARENTS I AM PUTING
> ALL MY HEART TO YOU, I HOPE THAT GOD WILL USE YOU TO SAVE MY SOUL.
> PLEASE DEAR LISTING TO THIS,I HAVE LATE FATHER'S STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT AND
> THE DEATH CERTIFICATE HERE WITH ME WHICHI WILL SEND TO YOU LETTER WHEN HE
> WAS ALIVE HE DEPOSITED SOME AMOUNT OF MONEY IN A LEADING BANK IN WHICH HE
> USE MY NAME AS THE NEXT OF KIN,THE AMOUNT IN QUESTION IS ($5.9MILLION
> DOLLARS US,)
> SO I WILL LIKE YOU TO HELP ME IN TRANSFERING OF THIS MONEY AND FROM THERE
> YOU CAN SEND SOME MONEY FOR ME TO GET MY TRAVELLING DOCUMENTS AND AIR
> TICKET,TO COME OVER THERE AND MEET YOU.DEAR I KEPT THIS SECRET TO PEOPLE
> BECAUSE YOU KNOW IS MONEY ISSUE AS SOON AS PEOPLE HERE ABOUT IT NOW ALL EYES
> WILL BE ON IT PLS, THE ONLY PERSON THAT KNOWS ABOUT IT HERE IS THE REVREND
> BECAUSE HE IS LIKE A FATHER TO ME,
> IN THE LIGHT OF THE ABOVE I WILL LIKE YOU TO KEEP IT TO YOUR SELF AND PLS
> DON'T LET IT TO BE OPON TO PEOPLE,FOR I AM AFRAID OF MY LIFE AND LOOSING THE
> MONEY IF PEOPLE GETS TO KNOW ABOUT IT,REMEMBER I GIVE THIS INFORMATION TO
> YOU WITH FAITH AND TRUST THAT YOU WILL BE OF HELP TO ME WITH THE HELP OF
> GOD,I LIKE HONEST AND UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE,TRUTHFUL AND A MAN OF
> VISION,MEANWHILE I WILL LIKE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE ON PHONE THOUGH I DON'T HAVE
> CELL PHONE OF MY, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME THROUGH THE NUMBER OF THE REV. PASTOR
> THAT IS INCHARGE OF THE CAMP WHERE I AM STAYING..
> HIS NUMBER IS AS FOLLOWS..00221 763475632
> LIKE I SAID I HAVE ALOTS TO TELL YOU IN MY NEXT MAIL OK' I WILL BE WAITING
> TO HEAR FROM YOU THROUGH EMAIL SOONEST,
> HAVE A NICE DAY AND PLS THINK OF ME,NOTE THAT I CONTACTED YOU AFTER MUCH
> PRAYERS AND FASTING. SEE !!!! YOU!!.
> I LOVE YOU
> YOURS NANCY BRENT