Mugg & Bean, Rosebank

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Service: * * *
Food: * * *
Ambience: * * *
Babe Count: * * * * *

Phone: +27 11 880 5050

Holy mackerel. I'm with Amelie. She's one of the babes I've been corresponding with from the internet dating site. Ouch. Pain. Groin strain. Babeage deluxe.

Turns out we've met before, at a party a year and a half ago, back when I was still single (pre-Jacqui) and she was single. And for some reason, we were ships in the night, and beyond flirting, nothing happened.

Now we're both on the same dating site. Gee, uh, small world, uh, uhm, what a coincidence.

I've told Amelie that I'm in the starting throes of a possible relationship with Karen, and that coffee would be platonic, and would that be cool with her? It's cool. So here we are. And I'm talking about my new-found interest in kinky sex.

And, uh... small world... she's fully into it herself. Lived a full on kinkster lifestyle for years before her daughter was born. She's now two-and-a-bit years old. "I've just come out of a one-year relationship," she says. And the dude just wasn't into kinky stuff. I told him about my past, and I've got loads of books and things. Every now and again, he'd ask me about it, and I'd show him a book. He'd look at the TAMEST of things and get nauseous, and then we wouldn't have sex for ages. And then he'd ask again, and the same thing. He's a realllllly good guy, but in the end, we weren't having any sex at all. And while the rest of the relationship was great, there was just nothing happening sexually."

This girl's beautiful beyond comprehension.

"The final straw," she says, "was when we went to a vampire party. I dressed up in some bondage gear -- I've got a huge collection of toys, by the way -- a corset, rubber, that sort of thing, and the party just blew his mind." She pauses. "But he tried."

And she's an artist.

I tell her about my monogamy, and that I'm grappling with it, and that I don't necessarily want it. And we go into some of the philosophical areas of monogamy, what it means, why we do it. And I'm in serious paradigm shift territory. I wish Karen would get back from her holiday on the South Coast so we can have a good chat and some hard sex. With ropes.

"Oh heck!" says Amelie. We've been totally absorbed in each other. "It's four o'clock!"

"You've gotta go to Fashion Week," I say. "Go! It's not rude! No apologising, please!"

When I was a kid, I thought I was a vampire. I wonder if that makes it okay for me to bite her neck?