Thursday, July 29, 2004
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Babe Count: * *
Phone: +27 11 486 4576
On the table beside my plate is a book that Erich has hauled out of his library for me. "Have it," he says. "I'm married. I won't be needing it anymore."
"You sure?" I say. "Janet's not into this?"
He gives me a look. Doesn't answer. Could be a yes. Could be a no. It's a subject not for discussion, is what the look says.
The book is called COME HITHER: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria Brame. Wow!
Dean, our waiter, is a little blasé about such literature lying about on the table. He's less blasé about another item Erich's been showing me. "I got the size wrong," Erich says. "Here. See if it fits you."
I try it on. It's got a weird press-stud pattern in the front. "Cool design," I say.
"They've patented it," he says.
"It's a tiny bit too big," I say. "And it would be ideal, but it just doesn't have enough pockets for my needs."
I'm wearing a hand-made Utiliti-kilt that Erich has brought in from the States. "I got the damn size wrong," he says. "So I thought I'd offer it to you before sending it back. I know you want to wear skirts too."
"Erich," I say, patting the black pleats, "more pockets. That's all I can say."
"No prob," he says.
Dean says, "Looks like a great waiter's apron." He tries it on. Looks bloody good.
Maybe I should buy it off Erich. But nah. I've got to be able to put my glasses in it. And my cellphone. And my palmtop. And its keyboard. And my little Moleskine notebook. (People -- there's an 'e' at the end of that word, by the way. It's not MoleSKIN. It's MoleSKINE. With an e. Not without an e. Sheeesh. Get it right, man.) And stuff for my contact lenses when I'm wearing them. And and and.
Which is why I wear cargo pants. And I've got to empty those pockets whenever I go to Kobo Jutsu on a Tuesday night. And when I go to therapy on Thursdays. Which is today. Yikes. "I've gotta get to therapy," I tell Erich.
"Hey, Dean," I say. "I need to write down what Erich and I ate. This place is definitely going onto my website." I hand him a Coffee-Shop Schmuck business card. And I write down the delectable grub we ate. I had the broccoli and pecorino pesto penne. Erich had the gorgonzola gnocchi. I couldn't resist dessert, so I had a kiwifruit cheesecake. And it was awesome. Most cheesecakes in restaurants taste like shaving foam. This one tastes like some kinda heaven. Erich had the strawberry mille feuilles. Lipsmacking wonderland.
I skedaddle to therapy.