Illustration Friday this week is 'Clean'.
Which gives me the excuse to paint my bathroom. And to reflect a bit on clean starts in relationships.
I'm working through a book called PARTNERING: A New Kind Of Relationship, by Hal Stone & Sidra Stone. It's awesome.
Their main premises are:
1. An individual is made up of several selves... primary selves and discarded selves.
2. We attract into our lives people who 'carry' our discarded selves.
3. We manifest different selves depending on context, and what self our partner is presenting to us.
4. These selves interact differently with each other.
5. Being aware of which self is communicating (in both you and your partner) clears the way for compassionate and unloaded commuication and loving.
6. Being presented with your discarded selves is a gift to allow you to reclaim them, and operate from a place they call 'the aware ego'.
7. Integrating these selves gives you balance, and allows harmonious relationship.
I wrote 'S' a long email last night, trying to offer her a glimpse of the turmoil within me. Parts of me reallllly love her and want her. Other 'selves' within me are irritated with her, angry with her.
I wanted her to see that this is NOT a simple, cut-and-dried case of 'we're not a good match'. Cos we ARE a good match. We've got powerful stuff to teach each other and learn from each other.
It's weird. I'm about a quarter of the way through the book, and it's like a weight has been lifted off me. I've been trying to be perfect for 'S'. And I've kind of expected and demanded that she be perfect for me.
Now, I'm sitting here feeling grateful to her for showing me the parts of myself that I need to get back in touch with. Cos those discarded selves she 'carries' are the bits I threw away through co-dependence and abuse as a child.
If you want to start cleaning up your relationship, I seriously recommend that you get this book.
This painting was made using ArtRage 2.11 on my Toshiba Tecra M4 tablet pc. And no... the water wasn't running while I painted.